Missing Out: When Life Abroad Interferes with Life Back Home

Since moving abroad to start my new job as a Peace Corps Volunteer a year and a half ago, I’ve become well-acquainted with what some travelers refer to as FOMO- Fear of missing out.  It seems a little bit contradictory: I moved abroad to avoid missing out on a fulfilled, adventurous life doing work that matters for people I love, but here I am feeling like I’m missing out? 

If you’ve ever lived abroad, for any period of time, I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from, but if not, I’m going to try and put it into words as best as I can.

I love where I’m from in the United States.  In both Knoxville and Pittsburgh (and a few other places throughout the country) I have wonderful, supportive friends and family who I love and enjoy being with.  In Panama I have a great job that lets me learn, explore, and put my skills to use in a great way.  Geographically speaking though, I physically can’t have both at the same time.

Choosing to live abroad- or any place far from home- means that you’re going to have to give up things and experiences you’d otherwise have been happy to have.  Sure, sometimes I miss physical things or places, but the thing that makes living abroad the hardest for me is knowing that I can’t be with the people I love all the times I’d love to be. 

Going home is always an option, but it comes at a price.  Depending on distance and cost, every expat draws his or her lines at different points, but it’s never easy.  Would I love to be home for every birthday, graduation and important event?  Absolutely.  If travel weren’t an issue, I’d be there in a heartbeat.  Unfortunately, that’s not possible. 

And that’s where FOMO sets in.  Today my family is throwing a giant party for my grandma’s 90^th birthday, in November my little sister is turning 21, and don’t even get me started on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the little things that make life and relationships what they are. 

When I do have internet, I love catching up on my family and friends’ lives back home.  Some are in new relationships, others have new jobs, and even if nothing huge has changed, their lives are continuing in a beautiful way.  Simultaneously, I love and hate facebook, instagram, twitter, and every other media outlet that shows me glimpses of what I’m missing. 

I’m trying to have as much of both worlds as best as I can, but that’s certainly a challenge.  I try to talk with loved ones back home as much as I can, and the ones I’m truly close to try just as hard (if not harder!) to keep me in the loop with their lives as they learn about mine. 

We’re living completely different lives nearly 2,000 miles apart, but that’s what helps me keep my fear of missing out in check- friends and family who care enough to support me where I’m at for now.

Meeting People, Selling Things

Since I've enjoyed sewing for most of my life, I was really excited to get to work with local women's artisan groups in and around my community.  The women are all very talented and hardworking, but none of the three groups I've been working with is at 100% in both products and marketing/selling.  Most artisans sew naguas- the floor length, traditional, but highly unflattering dresses, as well as chakaras- hand woven bags made out of local plant fibers. While the products themselves are traditional and require quite a bit of work, it appears that making a few minor adjustments would make them much more appealing to the tourist consumers.   For example, the women in my site do not wear naguas because they consider them unflattering and simply don't like them.  However, they make them and expect tourists to buy them at the high price that all of the work which goes into them demands.  For months I've been encouraging them to make a simpler product with similar designs- an A line skirt with dientes (the triangle design) across the bottom or waistband.  

A few weeks ago staff from the Peace Corps Panama office invited me to attend an artisan fair at the yearly Country Director's Conference with an artisan from my site.  This was a really, really big deal because all 45 attendees would be very important people in Peace Corps: country directors from all Central and South American countries, staff from Peace Corps headquarters in Washington, D.C., and the Director of Peace Corps herself, Carrie Hessler-Radelet.  

Seeing as though I'm one of the few people who actually enjoys networking with complete strangers, I was over-the-moon excited.  I chose to bring my neighbor with me, since she makes beautiful crafts and already has a professional relationship with a buyer on the island.  The 12 hour trip would not only be her first time in Panama City, but also her first time ever leaving our province.  That's like someone in the United States never leaving their county.  She was understandably nervous, but I did my best to reassure her and her family in the days and weeks leading up to the big day. 

The day to leave finally came and she was a trooper during our early morning and subsequent incredibly long bus rides.  She even seemed happy to get to know the two other artisans in attendance, which is a big deal for super shy people like her.  Unfortunately though, she got sick the morning of the artisan fair and we had to head to the hospital.  

I was sad to leave the event before it even had a chance to get started, but I'm also glad I was there to accompany my friend to the hospital.  Long story short, the doctor said she suffering from long-oncoming effects of a poor diet and needed to see a dietary specialist in the next few days.  We were able to head back home the next day, having sold almost nothing due to our personal absence the day before.  Since we didn't even get to attend the fair, I didn't expect much to come of the trip.  However, I was visiting her house the other day she called me over to her sewing machine- She was excitedly making skirts just like the ones I had been practically begging them to make for the past months!  As we were talking, it seemed like her creative dam came unblocked and she was finally thinking about what types of things tourists are realistically going to want to buy.  

I'm so relieved that we were able to turn a potentially bad experience into a positive one and I'm looking forward to sharing photos and news of through-the-roof sales of our new products very soon!

Me and the Director of Peace Corps, Carrie Hesseler Radelet

Business on the Beach

As I wrote about a few months ago, in addition to working as a community volunteer, I was also selected to serve as Peace Corps Panama’s Agribusiness Coordinator for the west side of the country.  It’s no secret I love to travel and meet new people, so I’ve really been loving my new job, which is essentially that plus business education- great, right?  I get work-related leave + travel expenses to visit volunteers on the west side of the country (Bocas del Toro, the Comarca Ngäbe-Buglé, and Veraguas) and help out with any type of business or finance education/projects that are going on in their communities.

One of the four Peace Corps programs currently working in Panama is Environmental Health, which builds aqueducts and latrines and works in health & sanitation.  Many of those volunteers (there are about 50 in Panama and 15 in my region alone) are required to hold Water Committee Seminars in their site to teach community leaders organizations and basic skills in water system construction, maintenance, and basic finance.  Since I’ve been begging asking people to invite me to their sites, I’ve gotten to help with the organization and finance sections of several different seminars in my region. 

A few weeks ago my friend Colleen stayed with me on the way to help out with my neighbor, Travis’s, site and brought her pup, Oso (“bear”).  Of course, when she invited me to spend a weekend in her site, Massy couldn’t be left behind. 

Our gas station brought a whole new meaning to "on the water"

Since he hates being left behind, he loved actually getting to go along this time.  He was such a champ with the boat ride and new environment, and he loved the beach.  The seminar was two days, and while Colleen, Dylan (a new Environmental Health volunteer), and I taught different topics during the day, Massy and Oso waited patiently for the afternoons which they knew would bring walks to the beach.  

Colleen's site is awesome- it's situated on a peninsula between a bay and the beach, and thanks to it's convenient location there are several community groups working on establishing eco-tourism programs.  There's even a restaurant on the beach!  Our charlas went really well and I'm looking forward to returning and seeing how I can help the tourism groups.  

In the meantime, you should check out Colleen's blog.  It's a beautifully written blog full of photography and intriguing  posts about life in her community that really captures the essence of being a volunteer in this part of Panama.  

Why My 10-Year-Old Self Would Love the Peace Corps

The other day as I was hiking back home, I had a thought: My 10 Year-Old self would love my job.  Granted, she probably wouldn’t have been too fond of the lack of opportunities to dress up (Or be clean and nice looking in general), but overall I think she’d be pretty happy.

Part of my job is to encourage people to make chocolate.

Okay, even my current 23-year-old self is really happy about this one.  At the current moment, all of the local cocoa producers sell their raw cocoa beans to a cooperative for between 45 and 70 cents a pound.  However, some volunteers have had great success in teaching their communities how to process the cocoa into chocolate bars- which they now sell for up to $5 a piece.  How do you start to convince them to do this?  Make them fall in love with eating chocolate themselves.  Challenge Accepted.

Sometimes I bathe in the creek.

Okay, so this is usually only when I run out of water at my house and the creek is also really cold.  But still, its beautiful isn’t it?

I finally have a canopy to sleep under.

As a child I can remember dog-earing  the exact page in the JCPenney catalog which depicted the most perfect bubblegum pink bed canopy.  My current model may not be exactly the same, but it sure does keep the mosquitos out. 

I wanted a puppy, so I got a puppy... and a kitten

Do you remember constantly begging your parents for a puppy or kitten when you were little?  We always had animals, but that never stopped me from begging for the sweet-faced, tiny ones.  My first day in my community I saw a litter of puppies and said that I wanted one.   Without consulting a single soul (other than the owners, of course) that puppy became mine.  Naturally, a kitten was next... followed by dog #2. 

If I want to eat brownies for dinner, I eat brownies for dinner.

Granted, anyone not living in their parents’ home can realistically eat anything they want, but as this is my first time ever living alone (and without a meal plan), I’m sure loving it. 

It's a rough life

If I have mail, I pick it up on an island. 

I’m not even joking, the closest post office is located on a Caribbean island.  Only decent customer service (and more mail!) could make the experience of picking up my mail any better. 

I speak another language.

To a 10-year-old, speaking another language seemed like writing in code.  Depending on where you are, I guess it could even be seen that way.  For instance, I could say anything at all in English and not one person in my village would know what I was talking about.  Try breaking that code. 

I read a lot. 

There actually is some truth to the popular belief that Peace Corps volunteers read in their hammocks a lot.  Don’t get me wrong, when there’s work, I work a lot.  Sometimes though, there isn’t.  And for those times there are books and a hammock.

The Emotional Moments of a First Year Peace Corps Volunteer

Group 73 at our Swear in Ceremony in August, 2013

This past week I had the opportunity to celebrate the swearing in of Group 75 and couldn't help but remember when I was in their shoes exactly one year ago.  In what seems like the blink of an eye (except for when I was suffering with one of many jungle maladies...) my first year as a Peace Corps Volunteer is officially complete and I'm now on the downhill slope.  There's so much left to see and do, but I also wanted to share some of my most memorable moments thus far.  

To my fellow G73'ers: I have loved spending this past year learning, working, and laughing with you and can't wait for another year of scaries, happies, funnies... and hopefully not too many more grosses.

The Scariest Moment

I will never forget the day we left for our sites.  As the province of Bocas has one main road, many of us road the bus together and then got off at our respective stops one by one.  In the midst of the loud tipico music and chatter of a typical bus in Panama, we were all eerily silent.  As we were nearing her stop, I turned to my friend Zoe and asked her what she was thinking.  Then she, one of the happiest, most positive and upbeat people I've ever met, said simply, "I'm trying really hard not to cry."  It was terrifying and it was finally real.  We were getting ready to start new lives in new places where we would be the only ones like us.  There would be no English speakers, no amenities, no one who could understand where we were coming from, and we would be experiencing all of these firsts while living with an extremely impoverished host family and without a home of our own.  To read more of the scary, hard moments of Peace Corps, check out this blog.  

The Most Personally Successful Moment

While I can put my finger down on the exact moments I've felt successful as an agribusiness volunteer, I can't quite do the same for the personal side of the story.  As a person, and now as a member of my community, I feel like one of the best things I have been able to give to my people is the time we spend together as friends.  We've shared thoughts, beliefs, culture, food, games, laughs, and most importantly, friendship.  Building relationships takes time, but it's the time spent in those little moments that I know I'll be looking back on for years to come.  

The Most Professionally Successful Moment

What started out as a fun little way to spend my afternoons has grown into a women's empowerment and basic financial education project I'm helping to spread across the country.  It's not the numbers that have me feeling most successful with my Women's Baking & Business class though- it's the individuals who are benefitting.  While selling a few dulces likely won't drastically change their lifestyle, it can give them the tools and encouragement they need to be more confident and practice better household financial management.  

The Funniest Moment

While Spanish is the most widely used language in Panama, many indigenous people also speak their local language- Ngäbere.  It's full of gutteral sounds that sound nothing like Spanish, and learning it has been a fun and interesting way to integrate into my community.  An absolutely priceless moment occurred one day a few weeks ago while I was picking up some groceries in a store just outside of town.  While looking around, the two teenage boys who worked in the store started to stare a bit.  Since I'm finally used to sticking out like a sore thumb, I didn't pay much attention until I heard one say to the other, "Meti ta makwe," or "That girl is yours."  I have never seen two faces more surprised than theres when I turned around and replied "Ña gäre.  Ti ña gäre ta mawe," "Nope.  I am not your girl." 

The Grossest Moment

Gastrointestinal parasites, ringworm, mysterious jungle rashes and unsolved stomach bugs have all contributed to some pretty gross personal moments here in Panama, and I'm pretty sure nasty pit latrines with rotting floors can speak for themselves.  The story I continually go back to, though, is the time bathing in unsanitary water led me to get a really, really gross bacterial infection.  It was so gross that the taxi driver of the car I was riding in did a double take, pulled over, and said "I sure hope I'm taking you straight to the hospital, because that looks awful." Long story short, he did, and after fulfilling Doctor's orders of taking tons of antibiotics and moving to a new house, I'm almost as good as new.  The scar remains.  

What's in My Bag- Travel Edition

Though my primary work commitment is to my own community, in the past few months I've also been traveling a lot for my new positions as National Agribusiness Coordinator and GAD Treasurer.  I don't think it's any secret that I love to travel so I've loved the opportunity to move around and get to know other volunteers and their communities.  

And with all this traveling, I think I've finally got down my ultimate travel bag.  In keeping with our minuscule Peace Corps budget, most of my travel is done on a nice little combination of busses, trucks, and boats, which has a pretty huge impact on what I need to have with me: Electronics, snacks/meals, and a mini medical kit.  

What's in the medical kit?

Though we receive a thorough (and huge) medical box upon arrival in country, I've found that all the things I might need on a weekend trip can easily fit in a small plastic bag.  

• 2 pouches Oral Rehydration Salts
• Bandaids
• 2 Envelopes of itch relief paste
• 2 Alcohol Swabs
• Throat Lozenges
• 2 sets each of the following pills
• Basic Pain Relievers
• Sinus Medication
• Benadryl
• Motion Sickness Pills
• Travelers' Diarrhea Pills
• Probiotics - They're great for when something is just a little off 

And what About Food?

To save money, I always try and bring some easy meals & snacks.  Though what I pack varies depends on where I'm going and for how long, here's some examples.

• Tuna + Crackers 
• Bags of Carrot & Pepper Sticks 
• Travel Sized Peanut Butter 
• Fruit that doesn't easily damage (I've had some gross run-ins with bananas & papayas...)
• Water Flavor packets - Especially helpful when the water is questionable
• Protein or granola bars

Anything Else?

Other things I always carry with me are:

• A fork/spoon/can opener/jackknife combo.  I got mine for less than $10 at Target
• A fully charged ipod and/or ipad
• Lip balm
• Hand Sanitizer
• Extra hair ties and plastic bags

My Peace Corps Panama House Tour

I've had several requests for a house tour and despite a broken camera, I finally managed to get around to it.  If you're curious about where I live, how I cook, and what some cute neighbor kids look like, check it out!

And some photos...

Kitchen

Storage Area

Hammock + Reading Area

You can't see it, but my kitchen table is on the other side to the left

Downstairs

Loft, minus the bedding and desk